The virtue of being imbalanced

By on Aug 5, 2014 in Pathways, Workshops | 0 comments

I would like the woman to become as feminine as possible…. And the man needs to be as masculine as possible, only then can they flower. When they are polar opposites a great attraction arises between them. And when they come close, when they meet in intimacy, they bring two different dimensions, two different richnesses and the meeting is a tremendous blessing, a benediction.


The stunning paradox of human spiritual maturity is that, as we become one with all creation, we also at the same time become completely and uniquely ourselves.

Tom Yeomans

In my most recent postings and comments I have been extoling the virtues of balance in the Divine Feminine and Sacred Masculine. Spirit manifests as both of these within each of us and it is important to be in contact with both. If we are to be whole we need to be able to express our entire being.

But today, I am taking a different tack. I want to be clear that balance does not only mean becoming some sort of blended, “blanded,” hybrid. A male friend said “Balance ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. It is too tame and boring.” Then he added, “Every time you speak of balance I think you are trying to domesticate me.” It is important to be who and what we are in our own particularity as men and women. Each bringing different gifts. We all lose when we lessen the experience of our own gender. These last fifty years have taught us the importance of never letting one gender dominate or diminish the other. The Divine Feminine has battled its way back into consciousness. Let’s not blend it or the Sacred Masculine too quickly into some androgynous mix. We are, after all, incarnated in this life time as a particular gender. Let’s embody it.

Sometimes it is important to go to the extremes of the masculine or feminine that we are. What would it be like to be as feminine or masculine as is possible as Osho calls for in the above quote? It can be very important at times in our lives to go deep within to discover our unique, particular, personal truth. Robert Bly speaks of going deep into the forest and finding “the wild man” at the bottom of the well. Bly means finding the inner part of us that is not tame or pleasing to others. Women find this in the growing “Red Tent” experience or in priestess/goddess training. The extremes have a great deal to teach us.

Even in more traditional society going to extremes is at times praised. There is little balance in the intense athletic training men and women endure leading up to the Olympics. There is little balance in medical school especially in residency. And for that matter, I have personally experienced the imbalance of a PH.D. program. And in many ways those who go on three month meditation retreats are not engaging in a balanced experience. They are seeking within in an extreme way. Those are socially sanctioned ways of going to extremes. I think that the first three of these actions are endorsed primarily because they lead to acceptable goals, achievements or occupations.

When people go to their more extreme places families and friends often worry. “What is wrong with her?” Or “Should we organize an intervention? Or “Is this some sort of a cult we need to rescue him from?”

Sometimes it is just important to go deep into one or the other side of exploring all of the nooks and crannies one side has to offer. We can plunge into the uniqueness of our gender or into the other gender residing within us. It might greatly benefit men to do more dancing around the fire rather than sitting cross legged. And women might benefit from lengthy times of individual sitting. (See Sera Beak’s list in a previous entry.) There is great value in going to the other’s edge to know the Self more. Or it can be equally valuable to refuse to go to the “Other.” So when the Divine Feminine invites the Sacred Masculine to more life and dancing around the fire, sometimes the Sacred Masculine might simply, very politely, decline. “No thank you. I’m all set for today. Today I like being exactly myself, my stodgy, grounded self.”

I might conclude saying I am advocating for short term extremism in service of long term balance but that might just be too tame, safe and domesticated.

This is the last blog before the workshop. Please feel free to add your thoughts as you read and best of all attend the session.

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